hi, billy mays here

this has to be the funniest story i have heard in a long time. i was doing some research for an article i was writing for a business publication. first, let me confess, i love billy mays and i love ron popeil. these two are absolute geniuses as far as marketing goes, love'em or hate'em, they are very effective marketers and you can't argue with their successes. i wish i had 1/10th their genius but that is another story.
as i said i was doing some research and here is a story i uncovered. i can't add anything else to this as it speaks for itself!!!


Christian Peace Activists Rescued by Billy Mays
By Buckner Wheat
Mar 25, 2006, 07:31

"But wait! There's more!"

BAGHDAD – The dramatic rescue of three Christian peace activists by U.S. and British forces on Thursday was made possible by the deployment of psychological weaponry that promises to end the rash of kidnappings impeding the spread of democracy in Iraq.

The activists—James Loney and Harmeet Singh Sooden of Canada and Norman Kember of England—were kidnapped on November 26, 2005, while driving to meet with Sunni Arab leaders. The men were held hostage at a compound on the outskirts of Baghdad.

"We were at the end of our rope," reported Maj. Gen. Rick Lynch. "We really did fear that each one would be killed eventually—until we discovered a new secret weapon. ”

Maj. Gen. Lynch smiled and opened a sound file on a nearby laptop.

"Hi! Billy Mays here for Oxy-Clean!" screamed a grating voice.

"Every time one of that guy's commercials comes on, my immediate response is to hit the fast-forward on my TIVO as quickly as I can," said Maj. Gen. Lynch. "Whether he's selling OxiClean, OrangeGlo, or Kaboom, his voice literally makes me want to put a knife through my eye socket to end the torture. That's how I got the idea to utilize his commercials as an effective weapon."

Maj. Gen. Lynch explained how the new weapon was used to thwart an attack by sixty gunmen on a police station near Baghdad two weeks ago.

"After a three-hour gun battle, we saw that we weren't making any progress. So we tried broadcasting the Oxy-Clean commercial at mega-watt volume from our command center."

Immediately, all sixty insurgents began running around in circles, bewildered and terrorized, pleading for the painful tirade to cease.

"We ended up catching fifty of 'em in the crossfire," said Maj. Gen. Lynch. "It was pretty cool."

Apparently, continued exposure to Mays' shrill, piercing voice at levels in excess of 125 decibels results in nausea, vomiting, acute diarrhea, convulsions, and death among certain non-native speakers of English.

According to British foreign secretary, Jack Straw, Thursday’s military rescue followed "weeks and weeks of very careful work by military and coalition personnel in Iraq, and many civilians as well."

"We had been working on this rescue for four months to no avail," added Maj. Gen. Lynch. "But after five minutes of blaring Billy Mays' voice into the compound, we could hear blood-curdling screams of 'Shi-Kabbalah, Shi-Kabbalah' coming from inside."

Fortunately, Sergeant Dan Henderson, a member of the rescue team, is fluent in colloquial Arabic.

"Basically, 'Shi-Kabbalah' is a local slang term for diarrhea," said Sergeant Henderson. "It's tough to translate, but, roughly, it means 'shish kebabs-on-tap.' Once I heard that, it was pretty clear that the kidnappers would be occupied for a while, and I told Maj. Gen. Lynch we should make our move."

"As expected, the captives were found unguarded, their kidnappers having vanished," reported Maj. Gen. Lynch. "Billy Mays’ voice could be the key to turning this war on terrorism completely around. Its applications are boundless. This is the kind of good news from Iraq the press ought to be reporting."


until next time...

the school shooting

i had just dropped off my son at school. as i was driving home i turned on the radio and there was a breaking news story. in one of our local high schools a student had been shot. this particular high school, central high school, is located in the north part of knoxville. just after bill gentry hired me in october of 2006, he asked me to drive a special trip for him. it was taking his daughter and one of her classes to atlanta. since then, i have driven many trips for this school, so this event has some special interest to me.
at appx 8:11 this morning, a person shot a 16 year old student in the cafeteria. about 2 hours later, it was announced that ryan mcdonald, a freshman at central high school had died. the response of law enforcement was rapid. the 911 call came in at 8:11am, police arrived at the school 2 minutes later and at 8:17 a subject was in custody arrested several blocks away.
as i was keeping up with this story, i wondered if either of these students had been on one of my buses? had i met them? sometimes my children have been on trips with me . have my children ever seen them? i was processing this from my own perspective and it had become a selfish thought process.
every morning when i take a shower, i pray. it is one of those few times during the day where i am able to be in the quiet and i can pray and meditate. as i was praying, God clearly showed me this was not about me. this morning 2 kids left their homes. 1 will not be going back and chances are the other one will never be going home either. 2 sets of parents are hurting and grieving. both have lost a son. probably a sibling has lost a brother. either way you look at it, this is a horrible tragedy.
i have always heard the worst loss a person can have is the death of a child. i pray i will never know this pain. i was able to witness this 8 years ago when my older brother died. my parents grieved and it hurt me so badly to see my parents hurt like this and there was little i could do. i can't relate to this and not many parents can. 2 years later my father died and i can almost say with certainty that he grieved himself to death. he was never the same. my mother is still alive but she too, is not the same.
this story is one that so very wrong and tragic. it is so true and i wish it weren't. i don't know what to do other than pray and hold my children a little tighter and tell them i love them one more time. we can't keep our children from living life and we can't shield them from it either. but i often think about keeping them home and never leaving.
i have 4 wonderful children and i love them equally with all my heart. i recognize the equal love but as with most families we have different relationships with our children as the all have differing personalities. i wish they were all here so i could squeeze them and tell them i love them. i remember a commercial many years ago that featured paul"bear" bryant. he was plugging coke and it was mothers day weekend. his line was "don't forget to call your mom. i sure wish i could call mine" (his had passed away).
sometimes we have disagreements with our family and we don't tell them we love them nearly enough especially when we have been arguing and and one leaves to go somewhere.
what happened this morning and the details of their morning we may never know. where "i love yous" exchanged as these parents say their kids off to school?
i don't know and probably never will. what i do know is i will never allow a loved one to leave my presence without telling them i love them. it may be the last chance i get.
don't forget to tell your loved ones you love them. 2 parents may never get that chance again.
until next time...

on the dl

in baseball terms, i am on the disabled list. 4 days after my last post, i was in the baggage compartment of my bus loading some of the players bags. i was squatting and turned to my left. my body twisted but my right foot did not. i crushed the cartilage and the doctor took me off the road. the prognosis is surgery to repair or replace the medial meniscus, drain fluid, remove bone spurs and repair some other damage due to arthritis.
workman's comp has been an experience. while i feel fortunate to work for an employer who pays into workman's comp, it has been hard to survive on about 1/3 of my regular pay. don't get me wrong, i am not whining. the insurance company has been absolutely phenomenal with the service they have given me. lisa, earnestine and sheila have been professional and after a while it became personal. (no, not like that!!!)
my surgery date is september 5th and i am actually looking forward to it. my doctor is dr. paul naylor and i have been a patient of his for almost 12 years. he is an incredible doctor as well as a person. he is the kind of doc that if you have an appointment at 10:30, you are seeing him at 10:30. very rare these days. i trust him to the point that if he told me he had to cut off my ears to make my knee better i would not question it. probably a bad analogy but you get the point.
long story to get to the point. during this time, i spent a week with my 15 year old. her mother moved many years ago to franklin and i miss seeing her so much. it is so good to spend time with her. my 2 youngest started school and my son made the move up to middle school. i cried the first day of school. i dropped him off and he was so big and mature acting. i realized he is not a little boy anymore. he has adjusted well to such a big change. he and his sister have never been separated as far as school goes and it turns out it was harder on me than it was on them. if i had been working, i would have missed all of that experience. as far as my youngest daughter, it was like she had no summer break. next year may be different as she moves up to middle school. being off has enabled me to experience all of this as well as my spiritual side. sometimes in life at best we acknowledge God. slowing down like this has allowed me to "waller" in the spirit and meditate. it has gotten to the point i am thanking God for the injury. living where i live the only distractions i have is getting out to school or the store. other than that, God's creation has become more "personal". i have been able to reflect on how big yet personal he is. genesis 1:1 has become more real and tangible. he did a pretty incredible job!!! just thinking about how big "the heavens and the earth" are then realizing he knows how many hairs i have on my head is kinda cool!!!
i would not recommend an injury just to grow in your spiritual life. but if that is what it will take for me to experience the things i have, i pray for another one. soon!!!
until next time...