do deer believe in karma?

last night (actually, early this morning) i hit a deer just outside greensboro, nc. i have often wondered what i would do if and when i ever hit an animal. i love wildlife and some of the things that bring me the most joy besides my children are watching animals. a few nights ago, i thought back to christmas eve last year when we had the 4 deer in my front yard. i posted about it and looking out my front door reminded me of that special night. i have a momma groundhog living in my barn and she has 3 pups. we have enjoyed watching them so much. and a wayward turkey we named "george".
i think any professional driver should rehearse the what if. if a car cuts me off, i will do this. if an animal runs in front of me, i will do that. i thought it would prepare me. it did not.
i was having a good ride and it was a beautiful night. and then, out of no where and in less than a second, it was over.
i try to look farther ahead and on the sides of the road especially at night. i thought that if i ever did hit an animal, it would be in the country or some desolate spot. i40 thru greensboro is i think, 5 or 6 lanes each way. it is very well lit. not where you think a deer would be. all i remember is me yelling, "oh god" and then the impact and i will not describe further. split second. i recognized the head of the deer and then impact. 70-75 mph and i new it was a quick kill so she did not suffer. but, i did and am.
i never backed off or slowed down. nothing i could do. i wanted to scream. i wanted to curse god for putting me then and there. i wanted to cry. sob. why me? he knows i love his creatures (except snakes and mosquitoes) and i try to take care of them by feeding them. yes, i know i have dominion over all animals so why do i hurt so bad? as i collected my thoughts, i began to ask god for forgiveness for what i had done. i was shaking. i did it over and over and i still am. i have heard time heals all hurts and i wish time would fly by.
the front end of the bus is a mess and thankfully after i called the owner at 0315, he actually was not angry. he could tell in my quivering voice it was traumatic. and in about 13 hours later, i have a replacement bus so all is well with the players.
i know all will work out. but, i can't help but wonder if deer have a way of communicating with each other over long distances, and, do deer believe in karma?
until next time...

happy, kentucky

i started to title this post "teachers gone wild" but in keeping with my policy of protecting those (well, most anyway) i decided to tone it down so as not to get them fired!!!
i love kentucky and i love the people from there. when most think of kentucky, they think of lexington (another favorite city of mine) and louisville (not!!!). but there is so much more.
some of the most real people i have met have come from kentucky. i have an ex brother-in-law who is a farmer in western ky and he is one of the most straight up people i have ever known and i miss him. the ruggedness in southeast kentucky is an absolute wonder. it is primitive and still some of the people very clanish. coal miners. depression. high unemployment. poverty at the worst i have ever seen. i have been many places that when you are driving down the road, you see signs warning "ATV Crossing". one town in particular (kenvir (see mission of hope trip post) actually had atv parking at a church!!!
at this moment, i have a group that has been really fun. they are from happy, kentucky. i guess you could say it is a suburb of hazard, kentucky!!! really hard to find on the map. my tomtom, when i was entering the information, burped, and said, "where? are you kidding?"
happy is at best, small. to most of america, non-existent. it became real to me as i went there twice and spent an enjoyable weekend with about 22-23 of it residents.
as i mentioned, alot of the people in rural areas (wilderness!!!) such as this tend to be "clannish" and i do not mean it in any negative way. the point is, they stick together.
being from a community this small, the kids i had with me will experience relationships with their schoolmates that few of us will ever have the chance to know.
the teachers were smokin' hot and the kids were very polite and respectful. we stayed at "wilderness at the smokies" and it was incredible place. so incredible, my kids and i are going for a week the end of june.
i toned this post down. i was really prepared to talk about the teachers and their "teachers gone wild" attitude. as i also said, i don't want to get them fired but i do have video i will let go to the highest bidder!!! just kidding. they were a great group and i would be honored to take them anywhere.
sevier county is NOT one of my favorite places to go, particularly gatlinburg. the area from sevierville to the park i very pretty and i am proud to have it in my backyard, however, tourists do not know how to drive inheavy traffic and some exhibit that "too bad, i got mine" attitude. gatlinburg is the least motorcoach friendly city i have driven in. d.c. is easier than gatlinburg and the roads are much more navigable. all that being said, i still have a job to do and a responsibility to get my passengers wherever they need to be as safely and quickly as i can. it can't all be easy and carefree.
to the teachers: this was not as bad as it could have been considering all i saw this weekend!!!
until next time...

confession and an appeal for forgiveness

this is one of the hardest things i have done in my life. opening myself up like this is very painful. it is not the sympathy i am looking for. i am looking for someone.
things in life have a way of haunting you, especially when you do the wrong thing and hurt someone.
for years now, i have tried to find a girl from jackson, tennessee named mary teresa hayes. terri was a sweethart and she did not deserve how i ended up treating her.
i don't remember how we met, i think it was from another friend. her father was an accountant, and her mother was sick, very sick. cancer. and it was terminal. she went to northside high school in jackson, tennessee. i think i had graduated.
everyday, after school until bedtime, it was her job to care for her mother and fill in for her doing all the things a homemaker does plus doing homework and trying to be a teenager. her father was abusive to her. i don't know all of the story, i only know he was a very angry man. i will never forget the time he pulled a gun on me in the parking lot of a methodist church one sunday night. he was serious.
we continued to see each other despite the threats. his anger escalated until one night, she ran away and wandered the streets until dawn and she called me to pick her up. several hours later, her father found her at my house. he came in to talk to my parents and he was so polite and kind. he assured them it was just teenagers being teenagers and things were going to be better.
after he got her home, he beat her. then enrolled her at harrison-chilhowee baptist academy which was over 300 miles away and pretty much left her there. she continued to write me and i wrote her for awhile and i slowly stopped. her mother died and she called me. i would not call her back and left her with no one who really cared for her.
somewhere about this time, the oak ridge boys came out with the song, "i'll be true to you" and the lyrics were so true except except for the overdose. here are the lyrics:


They met upon a blue moon,
And they parted on a cloudy day
They were so in love and out of school,
But he was goin' so far, far away.


She said: "I'll be true to you,
"Even though you don't want me to.
"And I'll be blue for you,
"Even though you've asked me not to."

Well the year's drifted by them, as we all know they can.
He found other women, but she refused other men.
But as fate would have it, they met again,
She was on a down-hill slide, and he was just slidin' in.

As he looked into her eyes that night, he never realize.
The only real love in his life was passin' by.
When he turned and left her there, his words: "Goodbye".
He heard her calling out to him, and as he walked, she cried:

"I've been true to you.
"Seems like speakin' to me is the least that you could do.
"And I've been blue for you,
"Even though you've asked me not to."

She'd been drinkin way too hard one night,
She'd been drinkin way too long.
Alone and pale in a cheap hotel, she died there in the dawn.
Kneelin' by the grave, oh so late and oh so wrong,
He longed to hold her close again, cryin' on and on.

He cried: "I''ll be true to you.
"After all that I have put you through.
"And I'll be blue for you,
"Though you never even asked me to."

sometimes we don't have the opportunity to attempt to make things right despite how hard we try. i have tried and i will never give up. this one haunts me and as i have felt the pain of this one, it has taught me many lessons.
we don't always feel the hurt we cause others because of our self obsessing tendencies. me first. i'll get mine, you get yours when you can. help me, but i am too busy to help you. a friend lost. a family member (BEH) lost. we attempt a "sorry" but sometimes then is not the time to make up. sometimes it takes some time for healing to start before the sincerity of an "i am sorry" holds significance.
please, if you have hurt someone, take the time to contact them and make things right before time runs out. we are not guaranteed tomorrow for it is only a moment away and God knows the timeline. and, if i have ever hurt you, i am sorry. i truly am.
until next time...

knoxville to chattanooga to knoxville to athens to...

sometimes, i forget where i am. i also forget who i am but that is another post.
in the last week, i have been driving quite a bit.
in 48 hours, it went something like this. i woke up in chattanooga, and left for knoxville (actually kodak) about 3pm, dropped off the players, went to the ballpark, fueled up, went to my office, went home (couldn't get the bus up my driveway), back to my office, then athens, then back to chattanooga, cleveland, back to athens, then knoxville, then to hazard, kentucky and then to sevierville. i will post later about these kentuckians.
it may sound like a pain and at times it is. i love every second i spend behind the wheel of my bus and i love the people i drive. i just checked and in the last week, i have driven over 1500 miles and after tomorrow, it will be about 2000 miles in 8 days!!! i have stayed in 4 different hotels and used about 205 gallons of fuel plus another 70 tomorrow for a total of about 275 gallons at a cost of just over $625. i have not slept in my bed in over a week.
my life is far from ordinary. i miss my children and i miss my home. attached is a photo. once you see the view i have, you will understand. i never knew how much wandering blood i had and how deep it was. i love traveling and all the challenges that come up. there is only one other thing i have done that brings me so much pleasure as driving (well, besides being a father) and that is photography. i shot professionally for several years and it is probably the only job i would quit this one for.
some of you asked and here it is. my life!!!

until next time...

sights for sore eyes

there is an expression here in the south that goes, "you are a sight for sore eyes" which is redneck for it is good to see you, that you are a friend, and you hold a special place in my life.
after a 5 game road trip with the smokies, i was sent to a nearby town to take a middle school to chattanooga for the day. this was to be my 6th day in a row to be in chattanooga and i wanted a change of scenery. don't get me wrong, chattanooga is one of my favorite cities but even too much of the good stuff gets old.
when i pulled up to the school and the kids were getting on, a man walked up to me and i paid no attention until i saw who it was. "remember me"? yes, i sure did!!!
mike is the principal at this school and 2 years ago i took him and some of his pupils to d.c. and had a great time. he is one of those people that his kids all know he is a good man and cares about them very much. i don't know about his administrative abilities, but when i see the respect the kids show him, you know he is well liked and admired.
after i looked up and saw him, i recognized him and without hesitation i hugged him, spilling his coffee!!! it was so good to see him and being around him you instantly feel some connection.
we went to several of the top places (tourist) and the day was a good one for everybody.
as i said in a previous post, seeing an old friend and getting to spend some time with them is time well spent. spending time with mike is no exception. but, being in the moment, i had to think about my life.
if i died tomorrow and had time to reflect on my amazing life, i would have a heart full of significant moments in my life to carry with me from seeing 3 of my children baptized (by God's saving grace), my parents, things i have seen and done, and, the people i have met.
life is a pretty good ride. i have learned that if you care about someone, tell them and tell them often. if you love them, tell them and tell them often. a friend once told me "if you love someone, tell them before someone else does" and that is good advice.
until next time...

wow!!!!!!!!

many times, i have written about how i feel about being so blessed. way more than one man should be. for some reason, it just keeps on.
my trip to chattanooga is always a good one. i have made some friends over the years at all of the ballparks i go to, but this one is special. catch up with friends is always time well spent.
tonight, at at&t field, it was one of those "bring your pet to the park night" which is always interesting. however, i was blind-sided by who sang the Star Spangled Banner.
i can't remember his name, and yes, it is important because of several things. first, he is a huge chattanooga lookouts fan. second, he is paralyzed, in a wheelchair, and uses one of those text-to speech keyboards attached to his chair. i don't always pay attention to the person singing as i feel the message is more important than the messenger. the messenger over-rode the message. when it was time, he pressed a button on the keyboard and his pre-recorded rendition was played.
i sometimes get emotional when it is sung really well with personal touches. this went beyond it. as i was taught, when our anthem is played, we are to look at the flag and reflect on the great heritage of our country. tonight, my eyes, as well as most in the park, were fixed on him. when it was finished, just before the applause and after, you could hear the "sniffing sounds" from those around you. lots of people were crying and even the burliest of those had some wet eyes. i am trying to get an image from one of the photogs there and when i do, i will upload it. it was truly one of those moments in your life that makes you proud of where you were at a particular place and time. i was very honored to be able to witness it.
until next time...

i know i am a "little" different than your average "bear"

sometimes on the road, i have toooooo much time on my hands and that can be a bad thing. i am in chattanooga and the last 3 road trips have had a lot of rain which means rained out games. i have to do something with my time so, i study people.
i never much cared for reading mysteries and all that new age crap. i don't much care for how the stars and moon line up either. all i have to do is talk to the one who made the stars. so, i prefer biographies or even better, auto-biographies. i go to the mall only to watch people.
i am not a perv or some type of voyeur, well, maybe i am. i find it fascinating trying to predict peoples actions and reactions.
i came back to the hotel with the intent of reading about bobby jones, arguably the best golfer who has ever lived. www.bobbyjones.com
bobby jones was a remarkable man. he is the only person in recorded history who has won the grand slam of golf. golf was only a game to him and it is kind of funny when you consider he retired from golf not yet at his peak to practice law.
one of my favorite movies is "the legend of bagger vance" that starred will smith and matt damon. will smiths character was so strong he took the part although many say he took a backseat to matt damon. i have seen this movie countless times and everytime i watch it, i see something different.
anyway, the guys on the bus wanted to watch it so that is why i started with bobby jones. and that led to walter hagan and many other golfers of that era and also into the history of golf, and, this only started me looking.
the main part of this all this led me to, and i don't know how other than randomness.
recently, there was a local moonshiner named marvin "popcorn" sutton who passed. he was the epitome of an appalachian moonshine maker. his only thing in life was "likker". he even made stills for others.
"popcorn" was arrested while he was finishing off making 800 gallons of the prized sqeezins' and he was sentenced to 18 months in the pokey. his comment while in court was "i would rather be dead than in jail" and he made his wish come true the day before he was to report. like a sponge i absorbed all i could find about this remarkable man. his daughter, sky sutton, has a blog about her father and there is a link to a book about him.
www.popcornsutton.blogspot.com.
for those of you who remember (or don't) the movie "thunder road", it was about "shiners" and their lives and all the romance associated with the lifestyle. sometimes late at night when i am driving, my mind drifts into one of these "shine" runners in some souped up car running at nascar speeds on some back country road (it's birthplace) avoiding the law and making my delivery of the much sought after liquid corn. i guess i will research nascar and junior johnson next and yes, that will be another blog. steve earle sang the song "copperhead road" and that sets a catchy tune with all of this. btw, if you drink moonshine, is it considered a serving of vegetables?
i have spent much time looking at his photos and hopefully the ones attached will say more about him than i ever can. there is only one photo i have spent more time looking at in my life so far and it is a grandmother (don't know how many greats or how far up the tree she is) of mine. she was full blooded cherokeee and when i see it there is so much she is trying to say. anyway, back to "popcorn".
if you take the time, photographs can reveal a lot about a person. in their silence some can speak louder than if they were in person. tell me what you think.
until next time...
p.s. double-header tonight!!!