do deer believe in karma?

last night (actually, early this morning) i hit a deer just outside greensboro, nc. i have often wondered what i would do if and when i ever hit an animal. i love wildlife and some of the things that bring me the most joy besides my children are watching animals. a few nights ago, i thought back to christmas eve last year when we had the 4 deer in my front yard. i posted about it and looking out my front door reminded me of that special night. i have a momma groundhog living in my barn and she has 3 pups. we have enjoyed watching them so much. and a wayward turkey we named "george".
i think any professional driver should rehearse the what if. if a car cuts me off, i will do this. if an animal runs in front of me, i will do that. i thought it would prepare me. it did not.
i was having a good ride and it was a beautiful night. and then, out of no where and in less than a second, it was over.
i try to look farther ahead and on the sides of the road especially at night. i thought that if i ever did hit an animal, it would be in the country or some desolate spot. i40 thru greensboro is i think, 5 or 6 lanes each way. it is very well lit. not where you think a deer would be. all i remember is me yelling, "oh god" and then the impact and i will not describe further. split second. i recognized the head of the deer and then impact. 70-75 mph and i new it was a quick kill so she did not suffer. but, i did and am.
i never backed off or slowed down. nothing i could do. i wanted to scream. i wanted to curse god for putting me then and there. i wanted to cry. sob. why me? he knows i love his creatures (except snakes and mosquitoes) and i try to take care of them by feeding them. yes, i know i have dominion over all animals so why do i hurt so bad? as i collected my thoughts, i began to ask god for forgiveness for what i had done. i was shaking. i did it over and over and i still am. i have heard time heals all hurts and i wish time would fly by.
the front end of the bus is a mess and thankfully after i called the owner at 0315, he actually was not angry. he could tell in my quivering voice it was traumatic. and in about 13 hours later, i have a replacement bus so all is well with the players.
i know all will work out. but, i can't help but wonder if deer have a way of communicating with each other over long distances, and, do deer believe in karma?
until next time...