huntsville hard

this morning we left for huntsville for a 4 game series. i had not thought that much about the connection. my brother lived in huntsville for several years before finally moving to houston to work at the johnson space center. i was sitting in the stands and a wave of emotion came over me. i almost lost it. as i watched the traffic on memorial parkway (fitting isn't it), i wondered how many times he had driven it. had he ever been to a baseball game here? how far from here did he he live? if you are reading this i am referring my only brother who died of cancer 7 years ago. i have written about this in earlier posts.
as i sat there it occured to me that i never really grieved his death. at the time, my ex-wife and i were starting to divorce and that in itself was tough. then his death was something i "dealt with". my parents were so hurt at that time and i knew i had to be strong for them. my sister-in-law was a psychotic bitch (sorry 'bout that one) and the whole after death was horrible. i believe his death was one of the factors in my fathers passing 2 years later. still, i see i need to grieve. i am here for 3 more days so i will be able to process some emotions and carry them home with me. i am hurting and i do not know what to do in order to grieve. all i know is, i am hurting and was blindsided by all of this.
i know that some people resort to sex. some it is drugs and alcohol. for others it is over eating. i don't know how i will move thru this, i just know i will.
until next time...